This will probably be the last installment of Things I've Learned from my Dogs. Neglected, but not Forgotten, I've accepted that my dogs aren't quite the philosophical force I wanted them to be, and I struggled to come up with these last few things. I'm sure I will learn more from them in the future, but I will probably just post those things on Twitter/Facebook.
1. Let the other guy win now and then. Then, when you really want to win, his guard will be down
2. There is nothing better for itchy eyes than someone’s brand new pants. Especially if the person is wearing them and about to walk out the door.
3. Always watch eagerly for family and friends to arrive at your home. It makes them feel doubly welcome.
4. A squeaky wheel may get grease, but a yippy, high-pitched bark will get one let inside much faster.
5. If you can make a person laugh, they will probably give you anything you want.
6. Chin down, eyes up. Look pathetic.
7. Bark softly, and carry a big toy.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
The Conclusion of La Saga del Arroz . . . Loosely Translated to "Rice Drama."
I confess to being the worst blogger, ever. It's not that I haven't wanted to, it's just that I haven't really had anything I felt worthy of posting (read: that anyone would want to read.) Most of the eventful happenings lately have been sufficiently summed up in 140 characters or less, and therefore posted on Facebook and Twitter.
However, I am not starting my second week of vacation, and with a nightmarish amount of housecleaning and several trips to stores for exchanges ahead of me, I suddenly want to blog more than anything else.
So, the update/conclusion of the Saga of the Rice. (You can find the back story here: A White Girl's Mexican Fiesta and here: How to Make Rice, Courtesy of Facebook)
The Saga del Arroz continued on well past the September attempt. I tried my microwave rice cooker multiple times. It's crap. I got a bagful of boil in bag rice, microwave rice, Minute Rice, etc. for my birthday from a wonderful friend. (And a really great smelling candle!) Not that the rice wasn't appreciated, and it has in fact all been used up. But it just doesn't taste the same. Plus, this was far beyond just making rice for me. Oh, yes, this was now about my pride! I mean, really, is rice really that hard? (Yes.) Who can't make rice? (Lots of people, I keep telling myself.) I refused to be owned by that tiny little grain! (Though deep down, I knew I ultimately would be.)
The microwave rice cooker has been tossed in the trash. I guess I could have kept it to steam vegetables with, but they make microwave bags for that. And unlike rice, they do taste the same! I now have a shiny new plug in rice cooker, courtesy of my sister and brother-in-law. I'm sure the motivation was purely genuine, though I'm sure a little ironic snickering went on, too. (You guys know I'm right!)
So today, I pulled it out, cleaned it and tried it for the first time. Followed the instructions EXACTLY. (Not that I hadn't the times before, but. . . well. . . ) Measured the rice with the little cup that came with the cooker (really, World, why can't we just all get on the same measuring system?) (Did you know there are even different Metric Systems??? No lie. Click here and scroll down if you don't believe me.)
Rinsed and soaked my rice (I used brown), plugged it in and waited. When I walked by 30 minutes later and it was done, I panicked. I always had to cook brown rice on the stove top for an hour, and it STILL came out undercooked! But I waited 5 more minutes because the directions said to (and I wasn't sure exactly when it finished cooking) and I texted my sister and my friend to tell them that in 5 minutes I would either be eating perfect rice, or posting yet another failure story in which I admit complete and utter defeat, resigning myself to Minute Rice for the rest of my life. (Which is fine, but we like to fry rice, and Minute Rice just doesn't hold up as well.)
I opened the cooker, and BOO-YAH!!! PERFECT RICE!! PERFECT RICE!! PERRRRRRRRRFEEEEEEEECT RIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE BEEN OWNED, RICE!! BY ME!! BY ME!! HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, TO BE OWNED BY THE WORST COOK EVERRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Crap. Now what am I going to write about?
However, I am not starting my second week of vacation, and with a nightmarish amount of housecleaning and several trips to stores for exchanges ahead of me, I suddenly want to blog more than anything else.
So, the update/conclusion of the Saga of the Rice. (You can find the back story here: A White Girl's Mexican Fiesta and here: How to Make Rice, Courtesy of Facebook)
The Saga del Arroz continued on well past the September attempt. I tried my microwave rice cooker multiple times. It's crap. I got a bagful of boil in bag rice, microwave rice, Minute Rice, etc. for my birthday from a wonderful friend. (And a really great smelling candle!) Not that the rice wasn't appreciated, and it has in fact all been used up. But it just doesn't taste the same. Plus, this was far beyond just making rice for me. Oh, yes, this was now about my pride! I mean, really, is rice really that hard? (Yes.) Who can't make rice? (Lots of people, I keep telling myself.) I refused to be owned by that tiny little grain! (Though deep down, I knew I ultimately would be.)
The microwave rice cooker has been tossed in the trash. I guess I could have kept it to steam vegetables with, but they make microwave bags for that. And unlike rice, they do taste the same! I now have a shiny new plug in rice cooker, courtesy of my sister and brother-in-law. I'm sure the motivation was purely genuine, though I'm sure a little ironic snickering went on, too. (You guys know I'm right!)
So today, I pulled it out, cleaned it and tried it for the first time. Followed the instructions EXACTLY. (Not that I hadn't the times before, but. . . well. . . ) Measured the rice with the little cup that came with the cooker (really, World, why can't we just all get on the same measuring system?) (Did you know there are even different Metric Systems??? No lie. Click here and scroll down if you don't believe me.)
Rinsed and soaked my rice (I used brown), plugged it in and waited. When I walked by 30 minutes later and it was done, I panicked. I always had to cook brown rice on the stove top for an hour, and it STILL came out undercooked! But I waited 5 more minutes because the directions said to (and I wasn't sure exactly when it finished cooking) and I texted my sister and my friend to tell them that in 5 minutes I would either be eating perfect rice, or posting yet another failure story in which I admit complete and utter defeat, resigning myself to Minute Rice for the rest of my life. (Which is fine, but we like to fry rice, and Minute Rice just doesn't hold up as well.)
I opened the cooker, and BOO-YAH!!! PERFECT RICE!! PERFECT RICE!! PERRRRRRRRRFEEEEEEEECT RIIIIIIIIIIICE!!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE BEEN OWNED, RICE!! BY ME!! BY ME!! HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL, TO BE OWNED BY THE WORST COOK EVERRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Crap. Now what am I going to write about?
How to Make Rice, According to Facebook. . .
I am about to actually write a blog post for the first time in half a year, but some people may need the back story behind it. Since not all of my readers are Facebook users (and since my profile is private, they wouldn't be able to see the exchange), I am posting the back story below. (The format is a little off. I haven't figured out how to capture a screenshot of a scrolling window on my Mac, so Cut and Paste had to do.)
(Cut and Paste wound up being a bigger pain than I thought, as I still had to go back, out of courtesy for my friends and family, and delete last names and other identifying info, such as photos.)
For the back-back-story, click here: A White Girl's Mexican Fiesta
(Cut and Paste wound up being a bigger pain than I thought, as I still had to go back, out of courtesy for my friends and family, and delete last names and other identifying info, such as photos.)
For the back-back-story, click here: A White Girl's Mexican Fiesta
September 13 at 5:16pm · Custom: loading... · ·
Phouvanh Do you have a rice cooker? If you don't than use a regular pot. How ever much rice you want to cook make sure filled about 1/2 or 3/4 inches of water above the rice. Use your pointing finger to measure. If the water is between 1st and 2nd line of your finger than it should be good. When the rice absort all the water then low the heat and keep the pot covered at all time so the steam cook the rice. Make sure you check it often to see if the rice is cooked to your satisfaction.
September 13 at 5:32pm ·
Leslie ClarkMarc- two steps (glasses) ahead of you. :)
Emily- I'm out and we are broke until Wednesday. I failed in "planning ahead." ;)
Wanh- I love the thought of coming and getting it from you. I know you haven't been my Facebook friend long, but ...my stories about failed attempts at rice (and pretty much any cooking) are legendary. I'll try again with your tips. I have one of those microwave rice cookers, but I bet you are talking about the really cool ones that plug in, aren't you? my stories about failed attempts at rice (and pretty much any cooking) are legendary. I'll try again with your tips. I have one of those microwave rice cookers, but I bet you are talking about the really cool ones that plug in, aren't you?
September 13 at 5:39pm ·
Leslie Clark Ummm. . . does Pei Wei qualify as actual Asian? I didn't know they would sell just rice. Of course, being 2 days before payday, I can't do that, either. That's why I'm stuck with the regular bag rice. . . all we have left!!
September 13 at 6:18pm ·
Leslie Clark Tosha, rice is my holy Grail. There is no way I will go to my grave having failed to ever cook it properly. Though it seems to be coming out ok so far. I'll let you know!
September 13 at 6:34pm ·
Leslie ClarkWell, it definitely is my best effort yet! The problem is that the husband didn't believe the steam would cook it and kept turning the stove off when I wasn't looking. He thought it was going to burn. But it cooked evenly (never had that... happen) and was still edible, if a little al dente. :)
Wanh- here are my questions for next time: 1- do you ever stir the rice? 2- Is it possible to boil too much of the water out before you turn the heat down? Or do I want the water pretty much gone?
Audrey- It was literally a last minute decision. I had been planning to make potatoes before I discovered they had gone bad! But I am for sure going to try again this week.
September 13 at 7:30pm ·
Audrey well, let me know and I will come over.
September 13 at 7:33pm ·- Tosha Ill have to try those tricks...I only tried rice once and it was awful..the hubby was nice enough to lie and tell me it was good...but i thought it was terrible.
September 13 at 7:35pm ·
Monday, June 28, 2010
Health and Fitness Blog
I mentioned months ago that I was starting a 2nd blog devoted solely to my efforts to be fit and healthy again. That blog is not linked to my Facebook as this one is, but I thought I would post the link to the latest post to my 2nd blog here to share: http://frenchfryloveaffair.blogspot.com/2010/06/new-plan-of-attack.html
Monday, June 14, 2010
Just Random Thoughts. . .
I FINALLY shook a chest cold I've been fighting since April and got to head out in my new running shoes. I HATE having to start from scratch with exercise, but I sure felt better, even though my stats weren't very good according to my standards. I jogged one mile, and then wogged (walk+jog- thanks Audrey!) the mile back. Took me 26 minutes. Again, not very impressive according to my standards for myself, but 2 more miles than I have walked or jogged in one set period in a long time. I'm sure part of the problem over the last two months is that I would wait until I almost felt well enough to run, go ahead and run, and then end up sick again.
Forcing myself to start off slowly has been the hardest part. Being a former athlete, I still have a hard time ridding myself of that "nothing less than 110%" attitude that coaches force down your throat. It is hard to learn as I get older that my body's 110% isn't the same now as it was 15 years ago, or even 8 months ago, so every time I start an activity I have to force myself to go slower than I think I should.
Of course, I was pumped to get up this morning and discover a high of 77, meaning I could actually go for an afternoon, outdoor run. (My motivation issues include not liking to run on a treadmill, and being a dreadfully NON-morning person.) When I started my run, it was clouded over and sprinkling, and I was STOKED! Of course, about 1 minute and 6 houses into my run, the clouds passed over and the rain stopped, leaving the sun to beat down on my for the rest of my session. But still FAR, FAR better than 97 degrees in direct sun.
Now I just have to remember to EASE back into this so I don't end up sick again.
Forcing myself to start off slowly has been the hardest part. Being a former athlete, I still have a hard time ridding myself of that "nothing less than 110%" attitude that coaches force down your throat. It is hard to learn as I get older that my body's 110% isn't the same now as it was 15 years ago, or even 8 months ago, so every time I start an activity I have to force myself to go slower than I think I should.
Of course, I was pumped to get up this morning and discover a high of 77, meaning I could actually go for an afternoon, outdoor run. (My motivation issues include not liking to run on a treadmill, and being a dreadfully NON-morning person.) When I started my run, it was clouded over and sprinkling, and I was STOKED! Of course, about 1 minute and 6 houses into my run, the clouds passed over and the rain stopped, leaving the sun to beat down on my for the rest of my session. But still FAR, FAR better than 97 degrees in direct sun.
Now I just have to remember to EASE back into this so I don't end up sick again.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A White Girl's Mexican Fiesta. . .
All weekend I have been looking forward to my dinner plans for tonight.
I had planned to make an authentic Mexican dinner: homemade tortillas, homemade Mexican rice, homemade salsa, and tacos, all of which I have done before, just not usually in one evening. (Let's not get carried away. . . I buy Old El Paso taco seasoning in the big shaker jar.)
So I come straight home from work and begin the process. I will skip the boring details and just tell you that it is now 8:15, I've still had no dinner, and Mexicans everywhere are shaking their heads at me.
The tortillas are useless. I rolled them too thin which caused them to cook way to fast. They taste good, but are more like chips than tortillas. Not very conducive for tacos.
The salsa either has too much of something or is missing something. Not sure which.
I should never be allowed to cook any kind of rice other than Minute Rice. When I try to use "real" rice, I screw it up every single time. Somehow, I always manage to get half of it cooked, but then I run out of moisture before the other half cooks. The weird thing is that when I say "half," I don't mean "left/right" half, or "top/bottom" half. It is all mixed together, as in if you put a spoonful in your mouth, half of it will be cooked and half of it will still be hard. If anyone can figure out how I do this, I welcome tips.
The final straw was the taco meat. At 7:50 I discovered, much to my dismay, that we are out of Old El Paso taco seasoning. I am unsure how that happened. That is a staple I always make sure we have. Anyway, I scrambled to my computer and found a mix of seasonings for tacos that was rated 5 stars out of 5 by over 1600 people. As I'm happily stirring my spices into the meat, thinking I have for sure found something WAY better than taco seasoning, I taste it and discover it is not even close.
0 for 4. And the husband is getting us tacos from Rosa's. :(
So, there you go. My yearly attempt to cook. See you next March!
I had planned to make an authentic Mexican dinner: homemade tortillas, homemade Mexican rice, homemade salsa, and tacos, all of which I have done before, just not usually in one evening. (Let's not get carried away. . . I buy Old El Paso taco seasoning in the big shaker jar.)
So I come straight home from work and begin the process. I will skip the boring details and just tell you that it is now 8:15, I've still had no dinner, and Mexicans everywhere are shaking their heads at me.
The tortillas are useless. I rolled them too thin which caused them to cook way to fast. They taste good, but are more like chips than tortillas. Not very conducive for tacos.
The salsa either has too much of something or is missing something. Not sure which.
I should never be allowed to cook any kind of rice other than Minute Rice. When I try to use "real" rice, I screw it up every single time. Somehow, I always manage to get half of it cooked, but then I run out of moisture before the other half cooks. The weird thing is that when I say "half," I don't mean "left/right" half, or "top/bottom" half. It is all mixed together, as in if you put a spoonful in your mouth, half of it will be cooked and half of it will still be hard. If anyone can figure out how I do this, I welcome tips.
The final straw was the taco meat. At 7:50 I discovered, much to my dismay, that we are out of Old El Paso taco seasoning. I am unsure how that happened. That is a staple I always make sure we have. Anyway, I scrambled to my computer and found a mix of seasonings for tacos that was rated 5 stars out of 5 by over 1600 people. As I'm happily stirring my spices into the meat, thinking I have for sure found something WAY better than taco seasoning, I taste it and discover it is not even close.
0 for 4. And the husband is getting us tacos from Rosa's. :(
So, there you go. My yearly attempt to cook. See you next March!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Adventures of Closet Dog. . .
I swear, this dog. . . She is going to be the end of me. She better be glad that I find her so funny, and that she is so lovable when she isn't being a neurotic head case, because I know a lot of people that would have kicked her to the curb by now.
This dog used to beat me down to get outside. If she heard me so much as touch the doorknob to the back door, she came running, and lord help me if I was in her way. Then, for some reason a year and a half ago, she just wouldn't go anymore. I opened the back door and cleared out of the way for her and she came running like always, but came to a dead halt at the door way, looked at me, and started backing up. It was so strange!
Ever since then, she will not go outside unless either: a- one of us goes with her. b- we throw her out.
But the dog LOVES to be outside! If we go with her, she romps and plays and chases squirrels and barks at the runners across the street just like she used to. And we figured out that if we can get her out and then leave the door cracked, she knows we aren't leaving and she will do the same. But if she thinks we are leaving. . . oh, you would think we were trying to trap her in a room full of fire breathing, razor backed horses or something.
In the mornings, we have to LITERALLY throw her out. Now, this dog is small framed for a German shepherd, but she still weights a good 65 pounds. So this is the process we have to go through. I walk outside with her while Bill waits at the door. There is no chance of me beating her back in the house. (Trust me, I have tried every way possible.) So when I walk toward the door, Bill is there to catch her and not let her back in. The trick is getting her far enough away from the door that we can get the door closed without closing it on her. This is not easy, as she is the fastest large dog I have ever seen. (She caught a mouse once. Another story.) So what happens is he holds her while I get in the house around her. Then one of us takes her by the chest and shoves her slightly up and out so that she backs up on her hind legs, and is off balance enough that we can get the door shut, and all she can do is give us the, "Why do you hate me?" look.
Now if you ever see this look, don't let it fool you. As soon as she sees us heading out the door, she runs and plays. She didn't hear me come back in the house one morning when I forgot something because she was chasing a bird. Uh-huh. I've busted her act.
So anyway, when it is time to go out in the mornings, now, she hides. Yes, she hides. It used to be in pretty obvious places, like on her bed in the back bedroom or in the bathroom. One morning, though, I checked all of the normal places and she wasn't in any of them. I called her but she wouldn't come. I finally found her in the back bedroom closet. Of course she rolled over on her back and went all limp when I tried to haul her out.
You should see Bill try to carry a 65 pound German shepherd who has gone completely limp like a 5 year old.
I think if dogs could roll their eyes, Abbey would be every morning.
This dog used to beat me down to get outside. If she heard me so much as touch the doorknob to the back door, she came running, and lord help me if I was in her way. Then, for some reason a year and a half ago, she just wouldn't go anymore. I opened the back door and cleared out of the way for her and she came running like always, but came to a dead halt at the door way, looked at me, and started backing up. It was so strange!
Ever since then, she will not go outside unless either: a- one of us goes with her. b- we throw her out.
But the dog LOVES to be outside! If we go with her, she romps and plays and chases squirrels and barks at the runners across the street just like she used to. And we figured out that if we can get her out and then leave the door cracked, she knows we aren't leaving and she will do the same. But if she thinks we are leaving. . . oh, you would think we were trying to trap her in a room full of fire breathing, razor backed horses or something.
In the mornings, we have to LITERALLY throw her out. Now, this dog is small framed for a German shepherd, but she still weights a good 65 pounds. So this is the process we have to go through. I walk outside with her while Bill waits at the door. There is no chance of me beating her back in the house. (Trust me, I have tried every way possible.) So when I walk toward the door, Bill is there to catch her and not let her back in. The trick is getting her far enough away from the door that we can get the door closed without closing it on her. This is not easy, as she is the fastest large dog I have ever seen. (She caught a mouse once. Another story.) So what happens is he holds her while I get in the house around her. Then one of us takes her by the chest and shoves her slightly up and out so that she backs up on her hind legs, and is off balance enough that we can get the door shut, and all she can do is give us the, "Why do you hate me?" look.
Now if you ever see this look, don't let it fool you. As soon as she sees us heading out the door, she runs and plays. She didn't hear me come back in the house one morning when I forgot something because she was chasing a bird. Uh-huh. I've busted her act.
So anyway, when it is time to go out in the mornings, now, she hides. Yes, she hides. It used to be in pretty obvious places, like on her bed in the back bedroom or in the bathroom. One morning, though, I checked all of the normal places and she wasn't in any of them. I called her but she wouldn't come. I finally found her in the back bedroom closet. Of course she rolled over on her back and went all limp when I tried to haul her out.
You should see Bill try to carry a 65 pound German shepherd who has gone completely limp like a 5 year old.
I think if dogs could roll their eyes, Abbey would be every morning.
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