Saturday, March 26, 2011

A Whole New Ball Game. . .

From my other blog,  I'll Have a Cupcake, and French Fries for Dessert.

Knocked up.  :)  That is what has kept me from my weight loss efforts.  And since the focus of this blog was on weight loss, I haven't felt much to blog about.  Sorry for the absence, and I hope I haven't lost too many readers.

Pregnancy is not for wimps, by any means.  I wasn't in the greatest shape when I got pregnant, but I don't know how those women who maintain their workouts throughout pregnancy do it.  I guess they must be the ones who aren't cursed with wretched 1st trimester nausea and food aversions.  Because, it was all I could do for the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy to just get out of bed and eat something that wasn't macaroni and cheese or mashed potatoes.  Anything else made me want to yak. 

They say you can safely maintain your current level of activity during pregnancy, but what if I abandoned my current level of activity due to nausea?  I didn't feel comfortable picking back up at 20 weeks with my pre-pregnancy 2 mile jogs. . .

So I've walked and done some water exercises.  I'm not any where near being as fit as I would like to be by the time delivery rolls around, and I don't feel comfortable increasing my activity level at this point, 30 weeks.  I guess I'll have to just do the best I can.

However, apparently my weight is an issue.  Grr.  I thought this was the one time in my life I shouldn't have to worry about my weight every day.

I was about 25 pounds over my ideal weight when I got pregnant.  Not the ideal situation, but not a situation I thought I couldn't live with.  Pregnancy was not an accident.  I had just decided that if I wait until I get to an ideal weight to get pregnant, just to turn around and have to lose it all again, I would probably never have children.  And I feel like, at 30 weeks, my cumulative weight gain of 24 pounds is not horrendous.  Again, not ideal, since I was shooting to only gain 25 the entire pregnancy, but still not unmanageable.

My doctor disagrees.

I've worked pretty hard at controlling my eating to try to keep my weight gain to a healthy minimum.  I had one bad month, where I ate out of stress and indulged more than I should have.  But I left that month's appointment feeling like the biggest cow ever.  And the following month's appointment, where I gained half of what I had gained the previous month, was no better.  No "this was much better.  You still need to watch it, but much better."  Just, "do I really need to lecture you about your weight again?"

Let me tell you, as someone who has stressed over her weight for 10 years now: this was not what I needed to hear.

I now obsess over every bite I put in my mouth.  If I give in and eat a doughnut on a Friday, I cry after.  I beg people to buy a pack of Zingers and let me have a half of one.  (I wish I could say I had made that up.  I've done it twice.) 

And if I have to eat another apple today, which I don't particularly like in the first place, I'm going to scream.

So, that's what has been keeping me from this blog for so long.  Since my weight has now become an issue during the one time in my life I thought maybe it wouldn't have to be, I will probably blog more now.

Until next time. . . anyone have any Zingers?

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